The Pudge Report

I did weigh-in (this morning rather than yesterday), and I can report that I have pudge.

Gained a pound last week.  D'oh.

The Pudge Report

I'm at a low ebb and not very happy with things (other than SM, that is).  So it's no wonder I gained two (count 'em T-W-O!) pounds this past week.

I guess my copious intake of bagels was not a good idea.  Fine.  I get it.

Back to salad for lunch.

The Pudge Report

Yeah, I'm back. I actually had the courage to step on the scale this morning. I admit that I was quite worried because previously loose pants weren't so loose anymore... But I had told myself that I was taking August off after the wedding, and now that our one monthiversary has passed (yesterday), I need to start being accountable again.

So on I went.

And the news was better than expected. I had been gaining weight in the week before the wedding (major stress-eating), so I was slightly up from my low then. Well, I'm pretty much exactly in that same place now. Which means that my tremendous enjoyment of any food I've wanted (including literally pounds of left-over chocolate from the wedding) didn't adversely affect my progress.

Super-dooper yay!

Officially, I am now -27.5#s. If my goal was -40, then I'm 12 TG... but my goal may have been -45. I don't remember. If it was -45, then I am 17 TG, which is fine too.

Back on it.

The Pudge Report

is on hiatus until September. Because, ooof!

But, in other news...

I've been playing on Facebook (lots of wedding and reception photos up there now), and I was amazed to see how many people from my high school have profiles. At 40, I'm feeling way too old to be FBing, but apparently, I'm in good company.

The real shocker? Someone from my graduating class is a grandfather. He apparently had a kid at 21, and his kid had a kid at 17 or 18, making him a granddaddy at the ripe ol' age of 38 or 39.

Wow. I can't wrap my head around that concept -- grandparent by 40. I'm not even a parent at 40. Heck, it took until I was 38 to get our dog!

The Pudge Report

Down from last week but still up from "before" (whenever that was).

Well, whatever. The dress is done, and I won't hit my -40. I'm hovering at slightly less than -30, so that will have to do.

"That'll do, pig. That'll do."

The Pudge Report and other stuff

You guessed it. Up again. Between conventioning and lots of stress eating, I have gained a few pounds. ::sigh::

I've spent so much energy being angry about the work situation (yes, being away a week helped; no, it's not better; yes, the anger reared its ugly head again upon my return) that I feel spent.

So, I'm just resigned right now. No energy to do anything about the weight thing. Sounds like a cop-out? Yup. It is. Maybe tomorrow I'll do something. Maybe. I guess I don't care. And I guess I'm just a little depressed about this whole situation.

But, I can't let this situation fester and wipe me out. I've already identified several jobs for which I will apply, and I've gathered much of the paperwork. I need to pull a few more things together, but I have most of it. I'll feel better once I have things out and "in process". I'm the type of person who needs to take action; I am very bad at dealing with uncertainty and waiting.

I've also gotten to the point of utter frustration that I have considered just quitting my job outright. I'll be giving up a lot to do that (not to mention that it makes interviewing that much worse -- "yes, I'm a quitter; when things are tough, I walk away..."), so you know if I quit without something else lined up, it's. that. bad.

I'm probably not being all that smart, venting about work like this. So, this is the last pissed off post. If I am going to start a job search, I need to rein in my online presence and retain relative anonymity. So a few pictures and other identifiers may disappear from this blog. And if I get really nervous, I may pull down the entire blog. But I don't think it will get to that.

Back to the grind...

The Pudge Report and other stuff

I have nothing to report as to the pudge part. I "forgot" to get on the scale this morning. Not actually intentionally, but I may have been blocking it from my memory subconsciously. Yes, it's been that kind of a week.

In other news... SM and I had to get up and out early today to get stabbed for -- get this -- a syphilis test for a "marriage" license in DC (in quotes, 'cuz you know why...).

How freakin' arcane is that? I don't know if any other jurisdiction requires a syphilis test. And, what do they do if it comes back positive? Disallow the license? Tsk, tsk and shake a finger at you?

Whatever. Just another bureaucratic hurdle courtesy of our nation's capital.

We were told that it's easier if we go to a clinic that does the test and provides the results on the DC DHS required forms. So we went to this storefront clinic on Georgia Ave. Walking from the metro to the "clinic" (and I use that term loosely), we definitely stuck out. Partially because it was 6:30 in the morning, and the street was empty so everyone stuck out. Partially because, yes, we aren't the demographic of the neighborhood. But mostly because SM was wearing a suit, and this isn't a suit-type neighborhood.

We got to the clinic, and it was a clapboard-front shop that looked like it was plucked from some developing nation. I have to admit that I was, well, not nervous, but concerned. But not concerned in a truly rational way, just an irrational concern that the place was sterile. Let's just say that the clinic isn't the type of medical facility I'm used to. And I'm not trying to be elitist or anything. Maybe I am being elitist, but I am admitting that I wasn't terribly comfortable.

Okay, there's no way the place was sterile. I just needed the needle to be.

And I'm comfortable that it was.

Even if the guy who stuck me didn't wear gloves. But, other than that, the technician was fine. Did a great job and was very friendly. And we got the results within a few minutes.

And the clinic was a damned sight cheaper than the $100 the fancy travel clinic in the "lobbyist" part of town was going to charge us for the same exact procedure.

Now I've got to go over to the courthouse to apply for the actual license. Let's hope that bit of DC bureaucracy isn't too hairy.

Fun, fun!

The Pudge Report

Hmmm, let's see... political networking event, big picnic, brothers' birthday, bridal shower... and that's just this past weekend.

= +.5 from last week. That means 17 TG.

Grrr. Wrong direction again.

F*uck.

The Pudge Report

Stasis.

I suck.

The Pudge Report

Wrong direction again. 16.5 TG.

Crap.

The Pudge Report

H>------------------------------*-------------->G

I'm officially down 30 today or 14.5 TG. I've crossed over this mark several times, but this is the first time I've landed on it on a weigh-in date (I think).

Yay. I hope only to see this weight in hindsight from now on (no jokes about my rear view, though...).

The Pudge Report

Okay, I admit it. I chickened out again last week. I didn't weigh-in. It was right after the long weekend, over which was my engagement BBQ, and a week of pigging out. I just didn't want to get on that scale. Big, fat (emphasis on the fat) chicken.

But there's only two months until the wedding, and I've been in this holding pattern since January. Yes, five months in a holding pattern. Perhaps that means I won't lose anymore? Perhaps. But I am going to make one final try.

I know, I know. You've heard it all before. Well, at least I've started with the exercise. A 4-mile walk yesterday, and I am planning another 2 or 3 mile walk tomorrow. (All this in addition to the usual 1.5 miles I walk for my commute.) So, that's a start at least. And I started back on the NS plan in earnest yesterday. And I was pretty good about it. So now I just need to stick with it.

And also report out my numbers. And stop being a big, fat chicken (emphasis on the fat).

So here we go.

H>-----------------------------*--------------->G

I am 15.5 TG, which is -29#s, which is a number I've crossed back and forth over many, many times. I think my lowest was -30#s, so I am doing relatively well, all things considered. But I don't want to keep revisiting the same numbers. I want to venture into new territory.

I'd really like to break the -30 and stay there. Haven't done that yet, but that's my next goal.

The Pudge Report

+ 2 pounds. 17 TG.

Oink.

The Pudge Report

Okay, I admit it. I completely and deliberately blew off my weigh-in yesterday. I knew it was due, and I didn't wanna do it. I had had a bad week in terms of eating and feeling good about myself, and I thought the number would be bad news. I was a chicken.

But then I gave myself a good, stern talking to. I reminded myself that accountability was as important in the process as the weight loss. Without accountability, I would never be able to take and keep off the weight. It has been my lack of accountability that gave me the space to gain the weight in the first (second, third, fourth and fifth) place(s). If I don't own up to the consequences of my eating and non-exercising habits, well, then, I might as well officially give up because that is what I would in essence be doing anyway.

So I got on the scale this morning.

Officially, I'm at 15.5 TG, which is -29 pounds. And back in the right direction. I still have yet to break and stay over the -30 mark (I've broken it but reverted back). I still have the goal of ten or fifteen more pounds by August. But then again, I've been saying that since January. So much for my accountability on that front, eh?

Now that the weather is mostly better, I need to put up or shut up, not give up.

The Pudge Report

Stasis. 16.5 # TG.

Considering how poorly I ate this week, I'm okay with that.

(Notice this looping refrain? I need to break outta this.)

The Pudge Report

Thankfully, my weight is headed back in the right direction this week (despite last night's chocolate pig out!). I'm now 16.5 TG, which is down a pound from last week. Still not below my lowest low (which was something like 14.5 TG, but, hey, it's progress).

In other news, SM and I are working on wedding stuff. I had a fitting this past weekend, and the dress looks lovely. I wish I were thinner, but whatever. The shoes I had bought online go perfectly with the dress, despite my buying them completely separately. I had to get the shoes because the style is called "Infinity", which goes with our 08.08.08 infinity theme (ours, along with ever other couple getting hitched that day). But they do match perfectly, so I'm thrilled. And they are the right level of strappy, cute, summery, dressy shoe for the occasion. Yay.

We also went to REI to work on our registry (one of many of our online registries). We wanted to go around the store to find stuff because you just can't do a registry without looking at and handling things. Well, I suppose you can, but it's less fun. So we went around with the zapper thingee (a scanner with enters the barcode of the merchandise into its memory, which can then be uploaded to the online registry). We spent about two hours wandering around the store, trying things on and zapping them into the do-hickey. It was a satisfying jaunt through the merchandise.

Until we went to have our items uploaded to our registry.

The do-hickey wouldn't connect, so they couldn't add our items. In fact, we left the store without knowing if our two hours were in vain. Even now, two days later, the items aren't up on the online registry, which has me nervous. I don't want to have to go back and do that all over again. What a pain. Grrr.

The other issue that came up was about our invitations. I'm a DIY kinda gal, and I'm doing the invitations myself at home with a kit. I did the first box of invitations (50), almost all of which went to our families, and was going to start on the second box. When I went to open it, I noticed that they didn't match the first box. The SKU/item numbers were the same, but the invitations were distinctly different. So SM and I drove all over our neighborhood to three different Staples/Office Depot stores to find matching invitations. To no avail. They only had the second version, which is a light purple and more brown than the ones I chose. I was really actually pretty distraught. I wanted the ones I had chosen. Fortunately, I think I found the right ones online (not from the manufacturer, however -- they only had the other version), and I ordered them. We'll see what they look like when they arrive. And then SM also found a few boxes at a different Staples a few miles away. These are purportedly the same as the ones I chose, but in reality, the color is very different. But they are purple (just more of a blue purple than what I chose) rather than the imposters I had (which were more brown than purple). All of this is to say that I have a few options. The second and third batches of invitations won't be as pretty as the first -- because none of them match the first box -- but they'll do. I'm less distraught now, although I wish they all matched perfectly.

And last but not least, I did meet with my stepmother and stepsister about organizing the reception. My stepsister, S, is designing the reception decorations. We discussed all sorts of options, and to be honest, she is much pickier about this than I am. I gave her some feedback but generally said to do whatever she wanted, within the budgetary constraints. I have started ordering favors for the reception, though, and boy is that fun! It's all going to add up to more than I could have expected though because little unanticipated expenses are popping up.... like chair covers. Apparently the chairs at the club are just hideous, so we need to rent chair covers. Ditto the silverware. Okay. I figure it's better to just drop the cash now and not worry about it. I'd rather have little niceties like that than notice how ugly the chairs are ('cuz you know I'd notice). So, we're working on the little things.

The big things are still up in the air... like the cake, the DJ and what I'm going to wear for the reception (as opposed to the ceremony). D'oh! I had better get on it!

Maybe the running around will help the weight to continue going in the right direction (that is, down!). But then again, cake tastings? I guess we'll see.

The Pudge Report

Hell, I gained a half a pound this past week. I blame traveling and birthdays, but the reality is that I haven't been with the program.

Officially, I'm 17.5 TG.

Crap.

The Pudge Report

More piggish behavior on my part. Back up to being down 27.5#. Yup, I gained weight last week.

I'm disgusted.

While focusing on the total amount lost is generally a positive thing, I think I am going to try something new: report out my number in terms of my distance left to the goal.

So, officially I'm at G+17. Or, perhaps better stated as 17 to go or 'til goal (TG).

The Pudge Report

The whim of the scale. Yesterday, I was down 31.5 pounds. Today, the scale said I had gained 2 and a half pounds overnight such that I am only down 29.

The scale sucks.

But I gotta report out the weight, so there it is.

No "progress" line today because I'm just disgusted -- mostly with the scale, not my weight because gawd only knows what it really is.

The Pudge Report

H>----------------------------*--------------->G

Back to -30 lbs. I have no idea how the heck that happened since I ate most of a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints last night. D'oh. But they sure were yummy!

I am mostly off the Nutrisystem program now, even though I still eat the dinners. I don't eat much else of their food, although I do certainly follow their guidelines -- and it seems to work for me.

In addition, I am trying to implement the following Paul McKenna rules:
1. When you are hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you want.
3. Eat consciously.
4. When you think you are full, stop eating.

Fairly commonsense. Basically a way to reduce food intake and stave off cravings (which are likely to lead to binges). I am still adhering to the portion-control I learned from NS, so I hope what I've learned will permanently change my eating habits.