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  • Tuesday, September 04, 2007

    Wow, I got me a keeper

    So, SM and I were talking about having kids tonight. Not just hypothetically, but whether we want to do this. 'Cuz if we do, it should probably happen fairly soon. I'm gonna be 40 in six months, and no matter how young I look, my eggs are starting to go rotten -- and as much as having kids scares the hell out of me, having kids with developmental problems scares me more (not because I'd love them any less but because I'd worry that I wouldn't live up to them).

    And no, we're not talking marriage.

    But maybe a kid next year.

    Yea, that will go over well with the grandparents. But, then again, both of us have (step) sisters who got pregnant quite young and had a kid... and then had another kid by another guy. And a failed marriage (just one, not two) in there as well.

    We're not planning on that. If we were to do this, it would be a planned pregnancy. Planned absent a marriage. It might take some 'splainin' but that's okay.

    SM also told me that if we had a kid together, not married, that he would fully expect the kid to have my last name. I then asked him what would happen if we got married later -- would subsequent kids, if there were any, have my name or his? He said that he would expect the kids to have the same last name, which essentially means they'd all end up with my last name (which is, if I may say, infinitely cooler than his last name).

    I then challenged him -- "What if we were married and had kids? Why couldn't they have my last name if we were married? What difference does it make if we're married or not since I won't be changing my name?"

    And so he thought about it.

    And decided that it didn't make any difference. That he didn't have a problem with our kids having my last name regardless.

    I pushed him further to ask about grandparental concerns, tradition, patriarchical social expectations, etc. because he and his brother are the last in their line (and his brother isn't exactly looking like he'll ever settle down, much less have a family)...

    He thought about it and decided he didn't care what his parents, grandparents, etc. thought, or if they would be disappointed. He said he'd probably like the kids to have something from him, like giving his last name as a middle name or something. I told him that I too would like our putative kids to have his name as a second middle name or something. And I told him that I consider our first child, Gidget, as having his last name (we may have even put it as her last name on her papers when we adopted her from the rescue league).

    So we pretty much agreed that if we have kids, no matter our circumstances, they'll get my last name.

    I also told him to sleep on it to make sure it really was okay with him, no seller's remorse later.

    Can I tell you what I told him? I think it's totally HOT that he's so open-minded. I mean, swoon.

    I got me a keeper, fer shore.


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