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  • Saturday, September 01, 2007

    Revenge of the Chinese food carry-out carton

    Or don't let this happen to you...

    So, SM and I were lazy and didn't cook last night -- yet again! -- but rather ordered in. There are about a gazillion Chinese restaurants in this area, but we have yet to find one that we like as much as the one we ordered from in our old neighborhood, which was both yummy yummy and very cheap.

    So we keep looking.

    There's the one that is at our door with the food within ten minutes of calling in an order. But, as you might expect, the food isn't all that great. But it is hot and cheap. Overall, not a great option unless we're dying to eat.

    Then there's the one down the street which doesn't deliver but has some mighty tasty dishes. The problem is that this place is on the expensive side. And carry-out Chinese food isn't supposed to be expensive. So that's not a great option either.

    We've started ordering from yet another place in our quest to find our perfect take-out Chinese restaurant. This one doesn't deliver either, but we decided to try them again because our first order from them was pretty good and not too expensive. Last night's order? Chicken lo mein. Scallops in mixed vegetables. Green beans in hot garlic sauce.

    The beans. Those dastardly beans. I knew they might be trouble, but what I got was completely unexpected.

    It started out routinely enough. I opened the container to serve myself (using chopsticks). I started to chopstick out (as opposed to "spoon out" because I can't think of another verb to describe the action) the beans. When I moved them from the container to the plate, the flap of the lid (which had been bent back), flipped back, splattering hot garlic sauce all over my shirt... and in both of my eyes.

    No, not just one. Both eyes.

    And did I mention that it was hot garlic sauce?

    Can I tell you that it burned like a sonuvabitch? Both eyes.

    I couldn't even bear to open my eyes for at least a minute. Then I, eyes still closed, made my way to the kitchen sink to flush them out. I first washed my hands to get any residual sauce off of them. Then I cupped cold water in my hands and tried to wash my eyes out. I tried blinking my eyes in the water, but it was hard because they were still burning like a sonuvabitch. I seriously couldn't keep them open for even a second. Even blinking to get the water in to flush out the garlic sauce was painful. Eyes and Chinese hot sauce just don't go togther.

    Finally, after repeated flushing by blinking in the water cupped in my hands and after at least five minutes of trying to open my eyes, I was able to open them for more than a second. And, yes, thankfully, I did still have vision. SM said my eyes were completely bloodshot, and I'll tell ya', they continued to burn for a bit. Unfortunately, we didn't have any eye drops in the house (or unpacked perhaps?), so I couldn't do much more than blink and blink and blink. And the burning went away.

    But can I tell you how NO FUN that whole episode was? Who knew the creative accidents that can happen with something as innocuous-seeming as a Chinese food container? Leave it to me to discover new forms of self-torture. Sheesh.

    So beware the vicious Chinese food carry-out container. Don't let this happen to you!

    But the beans were yummy (when I eventually got to eat them). If only it had been the lo mein which had launched itself at me. That dish wasn't spicy at all. But, of course, it had to be the spicy one, because that is just. my. luck.

    Maybe the moral of the story is that we should stop ordering so much take-out?

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