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  • Friday, August 04, 2006

    PDA... public dismays and afflictions

    Okay folks, I know it's hot out, but that's no license to behave badly.

    To the couple making out on the metro: I don't mind quick hello/good-bye smooches. I don't mind that there seems to be a very significant age difference between you. I do mind, however, that you were giving each other extended tonsil exams while blocking the car door. That is simply not acceptable metro etiquette. The afternoon commuters just don't wanna see that. I don't wanna see that. I just want to get on and off the train in peace. It was also kinda creepy that you looked like father and daughter.

    To the woman who thinks wearing much-too-tight jeans below her gut makes her waist look smaller: it doesn't. That bulge that is your midriff on public display just isn't sexy. I don't want to see your gut hanging over the jeans (and no, she wasn't pregnant). In fact, no one wants to see anyone's gut spilling out over the waistband of their pants. And not to deny you your freedom of fashion choice, but folks, tuck it in, suck it in... whatever.

    To the left-standers on the metro escalator: move over. Look around you -- notice that no one else is standing on the left side? Get a clue. And no, I'm not in any particular hurry so don't imply that I'm impatient. I'd appreciate it if you could get outta my way when I say "Excuse me" and not give me some kinda of snarky comment. Thankyouverymuch.

    To the cab driver who told me he had no change when I tried to get a ride: I know you're lying. I know you just want a longer fare than across town, but guess what buddy... I'm a good tipper. You missed out. In this heat, you could have easily picked up two fares in the time you'll be sitting there waiting for that trip out to Dulles. Idiot. And here's a piece of advice: don't piss off an attorney. We are among the most obnoxious creatures on the earth, maybe second to some cab drivers.

    I guess the heat is making me cranky.


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