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  • Monday, January 28, 2008

    Monday morning haiku

    Flowers, rings, dress, shoes,
    Reception, music, cake, booze.
    Can’t we just elope?

    Yeah, we’re forging ahead with the wedding planning. This weekend entailed a visit to the country club to start discussing the specifics and a trip to a jeweler’s to get the band my grandmother is giving us resized. Or didn’t I mention that? Grandma is giving SM and I her wedding band. It’s platinum with several small diamonds (I’d say “chips” but she probably would disagree with that characterization… but they are easy to miss in the setting). It’s also very narrow and much too small for my hand. The jeweler is a friend of my grandmother’s (dare I say, her personal jeweler?), so we figured she do a good job. And we’d rather she get the money than some shop. Because the band is platinum, it’s going to cost us a few bucks to get it made larger. But, that’s still much cheaper than a new band. And the band is fine. It looks quite old fashioned (which is it), and it’s not necessarily something I would have chosen myself. But I like the tradition of it. I like that I’ll have something that’s been in my family since 1936. And, SM and I have also decided that when we can afford it, after the wedding is paid for, we’ll get another band for me for some anniversary.

    As for the reception planning, it’s all going just fine. That’s the great advantage to a country club – there’s a general manager on-site so we don’t have to deal with too many extra vendors. This is the club where my father belongs (and was the president of the rec association), so they know the family well. In fact, the manager said we don’t need to put down a deposit or sign a contract.

    Now, that makes me, Ms. Lawyer, nervous. No contract? Eeek. I want it all spelled out in black and white so there is no room for misunderstanding.

    SM, on the other hand, finds greater comfort in that arrangement. More friendly, less formalistic. The old-fashioned, seal-it-with-a-handshake kinda agreement.

    I don’t think for a second that this event will result in any kind of dispute, so there isn’t really all that much to worry about in terms of contractual rights and recourse (and we will have plenty of "paper" describing the agreement), but ya’ know… I went to law school because I’m like that. You know what I mean.

    Anyway, we discussed how things will proceed, the food, the layout, etc. The manager will email us an estimate for the food/service and alcohol. We do have the advantage that he’s willing to buy back any unopened alcohol, so we’ll only have to pay based on consumption. That should save us a ton o’ cash – and we won’t have cases of wine and beer in the basement until the next major event. I feel pretty good about everything. Now I just need to focus on some of the other details, like the guest list, accommodations, who is going to take care of Gidget for the night we’re away, etc. But I have some time for that.

    We’ve also decided to do an engagement party in May over the long Memorial Day weekend to include friends who won’t be able to make it for the August event. It will be a low-key BBQ, so hopefully, not too much planning will be necessary… but it’s another thing which pushes up our budget. Oh my.

    And last but not least, I’m a little concerned? disappointed? offended? (I don’t know that the right word is to capture my feelings of angst over this) that SM’s family has not offered to help with any aspect of the wedding. Granted, they are out of town, but still, I would expect them to help with something. My family has offered money. My mother is baking the wedding cake itself (for the family dinner, not for the reception). My stepsister is handling the decorations for the reception. Her partner is going to help get a DJ. Everyone is mobilized. I feel like SM’s family isn’t really stepping up to the plate. Am I way off base here? Do most groom’s families stay out of the planning process? Should I thank my lucky stars that no one is interfering with my planning? SM's mother passed away about 15 years ago, so his stepmother is the maternal figure, which makes the situation a little more attenuated, but still. SM is the oldest child and his father's first biological, as opposed to step or adopted, kid to get hitched. I would think they'd want to be involved, but so far, it’s almost like they are going to simply be guests at the events. And that feels wrong.

    Or am I wrong?

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