On Transition

(warning: this is going to be a whiny kinda post)

So last Friday was the last day for me in the office of a job I've had for five and a half years. I've been in the non-profit world my entire career, and I did civil rights advocacy. On Tuesday, I start at a law firm. It's going to be quite a change in so many ways, and I'm more anxious than excited right now. I know it's an opportunity for me to learn, and I know I'll learn. Frankly, I know I'll do quite well, so that doesn't stress me out. I'm most concerned with having to wear real clothes every day and no longer being the boss. I'm used to handling everything from input, throughput to output of the process. In my new job, I'll be a grunt with no control or concept of the big picture. That is going to be an adjustment. I hope I handle it with grace. That's one of my greatest worries. However, the safety valve is that I know that I will only have this job for 10 weeks, so even if I abhor it, I'll be fine because it's temporary.

The real transition for me is that after more than 5 and a half years, not a single person with whom I work on an almost daily basis -- including those in the same office as mine -- not a single one of them stopped by and wished me good luck or said good-bye. No one.

And it made me sad.

Not just because I feel like no one valued my presence or my work (although that is certainly part of it) but also because whenever someone has left our group, we've always, at the very least, taken them out to lunch or held a reception/roast to bid them farewell. I've organized more than a few of these myself and always contributed. This is a tradition among my colleagues. And what really hurts is that they had a reception/roast to honor my predecessor who was in the job fewer years than I was. For me? No one even stopped by to say good-bye.

I know I'm whining. I know I have no right to expect anything.

But damn. It really sucks that no one cared enough to even say "thanks and good luck."

Law school and procrastination don't mix

Just finished the semester yesterday. Had one paper and two finals to finish up in a 48-hour period... not because it was scheduled that way, but because I'm an idiot. I procrastinated doing stuff until the very last minute, literally. My last exam was a 24-hour take home which was due at 5:00. I was working on it out in the 'burbs and ended up running to the metro because I missed my bus. What a sad sight -- me, in yoga pants with my hair in a ponytail hidden under a baseball cap, running, sweating and smelly (didn't have time to shower) through a very nice residential neighborhood. I think several suburban moms and caretakers thought I was the local crazy.

Truth is, I was... frantic that I would screw up and hand the exam in late. Of course, I envisioned every possible scenario: getting on the train in the wrong direction; track delays; getting hit by a car because I was focused on the time, not the traffic... all the time berating myself for putting myself through the stress yet again. And to be honest, my performance on the exam wasn't exactly stellar, although at that point, it was the very least of my worries.

Why do I do this to myself every single semester? This year was just that much worse than in the past. I guess the good news is that I only have one more semester of school, so even on this geometric progression, it can't get too much worse.

::sigh::

But it's done. Not well, but done.

First time EVAH!

I have FIVE -- count 'em... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... F-I-V-E bars on my wireless connection.

Gotta love the law center technology!

Seen on the quad

a guy playing soccer in gold lame shorts.

Maybe it's part of a uniform? Maybe he's just fancy.

I sometimes don't speak English anymore

The other day, in an email to a friend regarding an outline that a group of us were jointly compiling, I was complaining that one person didn't submit her section, missing the deadline by a number of days... my conclusion, however was that because her being late didn't materially affect me, I wasn't going to make any kind of a deal out of it.

Materially affect me?!?!?

You gotta be joking? Who writes like that in an email?

Answer: a law student.

Really bizarre

Truly bizarre to see someone you know in the news... and for an awful reason. In my last job, I worked on a program that he participated in. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he's gay, but the rest...??? I really hope not for so many reasons.

And speaking of gay men...Gay Men Are Found to Have Different Scent of Attraction?

...and yes, that time is correct... this is what finals does to me. Unfortunately, it isn't because I'm an early riser. I am now going to be permanently on Hawaiian time!

Yikes.

P.S.

And yes, still completely buried by the reading/research I didn't do all semester but need to do in a compressed time period because finals are LOOMING LARGE (like something awful out of a horror flick, they are coming to get ME). It will all be over soon. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see the finish line.

Mixed metaphors aside, isn't it the last leg of the race when you're the most tired?

Uh-huh.

I don't know what to think

The URL of this law firm leads me to question their judgment. On the one hand, it certainly is memorable. On the other hand... it certainly is memorable.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Exam purgatory

I am going to have to kiss my life good-bye for the next two weeks as I try to bring myself up to speed for this minor inconvenience called final exams. Ugh. Once again, I have failed to stay on top of the work and face a deluge that threatens to drown me. Once again, I find myself only barely treading water.

Gasp. Gasp!

I have a self-scheduled 4-hour take home in Sex Orientation and the Law (sweet! love that they gave us this flexibility); in-class exams for Employment Law and Civil Rights and a paper for Lawmaking and Statutory Interpretation (care to hear about the separation of powers arguments attendant in the "Pledge Protection Act of 2004" which stripped the federal courts and the Supreme Court of all jurisdiction for judicial review? No? Me neither.)

Although I have made pretty good progress in the past few days, I feel like my brain has almost reached saturation point such that I will have to step away from it to let everything soak in completely. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of that kind of time. You would think after all the years I've been in school that I would know better than to continually put myself through this stress and anxiety. You would think... but nope.

Back to outlining "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence"...

Sad state of affairs

Really sad when a level playing field and a fair process is considered a major triumph.

Hrumph.