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  • Thursday, July 10, 2008

    I don't hold a grudge.

    Ever. I get my anger out, and it's done and over. No residual anything.

    But not this time with the work stuff. It's still there, like a cancer. Coming into the office every day is like ripping off any small scab that may have started the healing process. As I was walking from the metro to the work, I felt the anger churning in my gut.


    This is not like me. Clearly, this is more serious that other stuff in the past that has pissed me off.

    At least I've started to be productive about it. I sent out all sorts of emails, canvassing my well-connected friends for leads for jobs. I am getting my paperwork in order. I am looking at listings.

    It's not a new job -- not yet -- but it's progress in the right direction. And I need something to focus on to distract me.

    Towards that end, SM and I saw SATC last night. Finally! I swear, I thought we were the only people left in DC who hadn't seen it.

    Turns out, we weren't. But I do think SM might have been the only straight guy in the theater.

    We both enjoyed the movie. I found it more emotionally fraught that I thought it would be. I expected more fluff without any substance. But I give SJP credit for that. Her acting revved it up. That scene on the street after they've left the library is just horrifying.

    But I have one major complaint -- all of the commentary about women over 40 getting married, how they beat the odds, etc.... well, sh*t. Thanks a lot. What a load of crap. I know that the movie was trying to show that even women who are as successful as these characters feel the societal pressure of getting hitched, but how could Carrie succumb to the insecurities being foisted on her? Wasn't the show all about independent women who take on NYC and men and relationships on their own terms? And are all the happier for it? So making Carrie a bridezilla was... well, it was a good plot point. But it didn't ring true. (And for those of you who have seen the movie, yes, I know that Carrie is only truly happy when she's true to herself -- a lesson she learned in the end.)

    But the commentary was still annoying. I ain't no Carrie Bradshaw or anything, but just because I ain't all that, I also ain't no loser that somehow beat the odds to capture the ultimate prize of an engagement ring either.

    So let me say for the record: I chose to wait this long to get hitched. Being a 40 year-old bride was my decision. It isn't because I couldn't get myself a man. I had other stuff going on and did not want to get hitched before now. I deliberately chose to wait this long. I'm not to be pitied. My decisions are to be celebrated -- the ones that took me around the world to 44 countries, that got me two advanced degrees, that has me owning two properties. All of them, including the one that will have me in a fancy dress in front of loved ones next month.

    So there.

    (Notice how I managed to distract myself? At least that little rant took the edge off of my earlier anger.)

    Now I need to get some coffee.

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