An open letter
This is something that I can't really tell people to their faces, so I'll post it here...
Dear friends, family and concerned colleagues --
I know you are genuinely concerned about my well-being. I know that you only wish the best for me. In that spirit, I have a favor to ask: please stop asking me about my job search.
Please rest very assured that if anything positive does happen that I'll be yelling it from the rooftops. You won't have to wait to ask me about it to know. I will broadcast my good fortune loudly.
In the meantime, your inquiries of concern just remind me of my failures and force me to discuss a topic which only bruises my self-esteem and ego. Yes, I feel bad when you ask about my job situation, and I have nothing positive to say. Yes, I feel like a failure. Asking about it doesn't help, nor do the usual platitudes -- and boy does it end a conversation quickly. So do me a favor and don't ask.
I know that you want to be supportive, so here's how to do it: just ask generally how things are going. That way I can decide whether or not I want to talk about it. If I don't broach the topic, then let it drop and figure there's nothing I want to share.
And, BTW, this applies to any less than happy situation. Don't force me or anyone else to talk about something unfortunate by asking about it specifically (e.g. "Did you get your bar results?" -- another bad question). "How are things going?" lets us know that you are concerned and caring and that you have the sensitivity to allow us to avoid a conversation that we'd rather not have.
Many thanks. And if anyone has the opportunity to speak with my mother, please do share with her this general etiquette tip.
Gratefully,
She says
Dear friends, family and concerned colleagues --
I know you are genuinely concerned about my well-being. I know that you only wish the best for me. In that spirit, I have a favor to ask: please stop asking me about my job search.
Please rest very assured that if anything positive does happen that I'll be yelling it from the rooftops. You won't have to wait to ask me about it to know. I will broadcast my good fortune loudly.
In the meantime, your inquiries of concern just remind me of my failures and force me to discuss a topic which only bruises my self-esteem and ego. Yes, I feel bad when you ask about my job situation, and I have nothing positive to say. Yes, I feel like a failure. Asking about it doesn't help, nor do the usual platitudes -- and boy does it end a conversation quickly. So do me a favor and don't ask.
I know that you want to be supportive, so here's how to do it: just ask generally how things are going. That way I can decide whether or not I want to talk about it. If I don't broach the topic, then let it drop and figure there's nothing I want to share.
And, BTW, this applies to any less than happy situation. Don't force me or anyone else to talk about something unfortunate by asking about it specifically (e.g. "Did you get your bar results?" -- another bad question). "How are things going?" lets us know that you are concerned and caring and that you have the sensitivity to allow us to avoid a conversation that we'd rather not have.
Many thanks. And if anyone has the opportunity to speak with my mother, please do share with her this general etiquette tip.
Gratefully,
She says
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